Everyone around keeps telling me everything will be fine.
That I just need to do things. You know, "progress" in life. Get exposed, meet people, an all of that.
I do not buy it.
I am a fucking ghostie. Invisible. Rejected before even met. And there is nothing I can do about it.
I have been through many phases in my life, both mentally and physically. I have been happy, depressed, evil, nice, fat, skinny...
But it is always constant. The others avoiding, ignoring, rejecting. Those looks... Like they stared at the abyss.

I once knew love, if shortly. And I am pretty sure she would undo it. She just took a little longer to give up on me. Maybe she saw it all the time, whatever it is wrong with me, but she wanted to believe I was not that, for whatever reason.

Nobody ever pointed out any obvious physical anomaly on me. Disabled people, mentally or physically, always get shit from people, about their defects, very rude and direct shit sometimes, or at least their physicians warn them about their condition and treat accordingly.
Not with me.

So I resign. I have concluded that it will always be like this. On the best scenario, I will not kill myself or starve, and will have enough money to keep myself entertained with alcohol, music and books.
But I will always be miserable and lonely. There is nothing I can do about that.

There is no hope. None at all. Not for me, at least.