Hey /b, havent been here in ages it feels like. I find it hard to talk about my problems to the people in my life because I feel like ive built this uncaring problem less character I have to uphold, so id rather spill my bitchy insides to a bunch of random people on the internet. Somehow I feel better about imaginary people giving their insights about my life as apposed to the people that actually care about me, call me retarded. Anyways..., I feel like im slowly becoming an alcoholic, actually im positive thats the turn my life is taking. A life of alcoholism, I know its a problem, I know the effects it will have on my life, and ive had dozens of examples put forth of what alcohol does to a person, yet it doesnt bother me. Im only 20 and I already see the effects of the hand of alcohol slowly creeping up my chest and around my neck. Last night I was so anxious to get a sip of beer down my gullet, it was surreal, I couldnt believe the way I was acting, but I still wanted to get something into me so I took a couple shots of tequila and some cups of jack and coke, just enough to get me there. Ive been an active drinker for the past five or six years but I had only been hard into the sauce once before, but not as bad as this time. I like the feeling, the taste not so much but I do enjoy Jack Daniels very much. I feel empty, I think im trying to fill a void but im not sure, this is how I cope with things, I dont know how ill end up or what im doing. Im unnecessary to everything around me, my existence is superfluous at best. The world wouldnt stop and things would continue as they were whether im here or not so maybe going down this road isnt as bad... I dont know.