>>7780011all in all, I think you certainly didn't deserve any of this treatment. I haven't learned about your mother, but you also should analyze it.
I'd add that "a cult of parents" is a norm in a lot of societies, maybe not so much in America and Europe anymore, but certainly it's there still in many other countries. it's a bit of a cultural thing. when a father is good it's not necessarily bad.
but when a father is abusive, it leads to basically tyranny. and I think narcissists abuse the hell out of it. not only these people like to insist that "father is always right", and that they have some tremendous rights and powers over their child (with little to no responsibilities).
but also they often like to preach to their children: "turn the other cheek", "forgive and forget", "give to others, don't think about yourself", etc. this brainwashing can be very strong, and basically makes you forever forget about your own needs, and give to others. these parents also do it to show, "look how righteous I am, that I teach such things"—so basically hypocrisy. and of course their preaching doesn't apply to them, because as soon as you ask them for, well, anything, or dare to voice your opinion, they suddenly become increasingly territorial and stingy—as if it's THEM who are treated unfairly, or not recognized for their "good deeds".
it often takes a long time to truly re-think your own childhood, to stop looking at it from your parents' eyes, and look at things from your own position. highly traumatic experiences are not "processed" or understood in the brain. they get "shoved under the rug", deep below level of consciousness.
that's why a lot of people with trauma tell the same story—they tell about it like nothing really happened or it didn't matter; they are "detached" from it . but then time passes, one or two things go wrong in their lives. suddenly it starts to "spill out". they start falling apart, suffer, get flashbacks, persistent voices, and worse.
