Let me introduce myself. I am the president and founder of the Anti Shittens Association. In the text that follows, I will explain why stopping Shittens is fundamental to the survival of our society. Before I get to the main points of this letter, let me issue a couple of disclaimers. First, I undeniably dislike Shittens. Shittens is a saturnine extremist who wants only to spawn delusions of sensationalism's resplendence. Second, Shittens decidedly dislikes me. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because I've said in the past that he once tried convincing me that children don't need as much psychological attentiveness, protection, and obedience training as the treasured household pet.