Long ago on a distant website, I, Tumblr, the gender-shifting Master of Sexualities, unleashed an unspeakable evil

But, a foolish cis hetero white male wielding a biology book stepped forth to oppose me

Before the final fact was spoken, I tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future, where my fake genders are law

Now the fool seeks to return to the past, and undo the future that is Tumblr