do you sometimes feel like you've "ascended", like you had some kind of illumination that changed your whole perception of things, and thus also what you actually do? i sometimes objectively look at the decisions people take and question if they actually know or realize what they were doing and why. then i question my awareness of things, and how i take decisions, and usually it just starts with:
"i don't decide things, i simply coinflipped since the first decision i took. if the first decision i took when i was alive was to move my arm a little, the endless amount of future possible decisions halved. if those endless amounts of possible decisions are being halved endless amounts of times, that would mean we would take every decision ever if we'd exist forever, but as our time as living beings with a consciousness is limited, only a finite amount of this infinite pool of decisions can ever be taken consciously. so actually i never really took a decision but rather something somewhere in some time part of a bigger something took some stupid decision effectively starting to decide every decision decided by it in every time until the end of everything when an endless amount of possible decisions where decided endless amount of times and there is no decision left to take and something somewhere in some time is done deciding this something and orders a salami pizza for $19.95 and extra cheese $2."
then i usually get an anxiety attack and ask myself what happens when that something somewhere in some time being gets asked what he wants to drink.