>>8479701I'm depressed and feel like a complete failure. Last year I was a junior in high school, and now I'm a senior. I spent most of my high school career doing nothing and I was never really a good student. I know I'm smart enough to get into a decent college and I have an ok gpa and did well on college entrance exams, so I'm probably going to get into a good college, that isn't the issue. Last year I dated this girl, who was my best and only friend. She was intelligent, creative, and beautiful, and she has adhd like me, so she was never a good student in middle school, and struggled with depression freshman year. But unlike me she improved her life and became massively successeful in her second year and accomplished everything that I wanted to and was capable of but lacked the ambition to do. Last year we broke up because she tired of my irresponsibility and my fear of commitment to anything in life. And because I became really depressed in the last few months of school and isolated myself from the rest of the world. Now I have returned and she is the section leader of our band and seems better than ever. I'm happy for her, but it makes me feel bad about my time in high school. This is the beginning of my last year which means it's too late to attain a high possition in band or become an honor student or do anything remarkable. Even if I get into a good college or graduate with high grades, I only want to have the experience of success and ambition in high school, like she did. I have no friends and my life is empty, I just want to feel like I belong, and I'm dreading that it's too late because I only have this one year left. I've thought about suicide. I'm 18 btw
