I feel that I am not helped by medicines, psychiatrists, psychologists, motivational speakers, etc. In general, a strange belief that a psychologist is able to get to know my psyche better than I am during a short conversation and convince me to choose life. Can they read minds? I have no idea why doctors turn into such alpha and omega doctors. I think that I know myself best and going to psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists is a waste of time and money. These people are only… people. They will serve me their standard speech, ask me questions that I could have come to myself if I had just thought about it and tell me what I already know very well. Nonsense about them offering me a new perspective and turning back from a depressing path can be put between fairy tales. If you are a man who thinks about his life and knows himself well enough, psychiatrists with all their talk become useless. I know all that they can tell me. The problem is that I can't apply this knowledge. It is like listening to a logical and rational argument and when a part of you nods your head that "yes, right, you are right! "Talking is a myth. You will tell someone about your problems and what? What will it actually change? The problems will still remain the same, the weight will be lighter for a minute, and then it will come back with a doubled force, because the truth is that we are always completely alone in the end.


Why do I need any life at all to consist of walking every day to work that I do not like, coming back from work, killing time with something that neither develops nor pleases me, walking to sleep and getting up in the morning to work. I wouldn't call it life…. rather "vegetation". I'm still afraid that I won't achieve anything in life and I'll experience it as if I've never really lived.