Because in her eyes you're nothing more than the unfortunate byproduct of her having 2 minutes of physical pleasure.
Don't feel bad though. Even though it would be wonderful to have the love of a parent, you literally don't need it and by not having it, you have more freedom to live life as you see fit than people that do.
The only love you "need" is the love you feel for yourself. The only person you need to think well of you, is You.
This being said, don't be selfish or you'll be miserable and constantly seeking something new and better to make you happy like some junkie.
Joy, Love and Gratitude for everything in our lives, even if they're shit demons like your mom.
Try a daily dose of Dr. Wayne Dyer and Dr. Joe Dispenza.
It helped me to overcome a childhood that left me with paralysis, multiple breaks in most of my bones and a blown out sphincter.
