I didn't have to do this. I could have left. I could have fled. But no, I will no longer run. If not for me, for my scoops, for my creams and cones that you fucked; I did it for them... When the time came, I did it. I had to...You had a hundred billion scoops and ways to have avoided today, but you decided to take my scoops. You forced me into a corner and gave me only one option. The decision was yours. Now you have scoops on your hands that will never be licked off.

You sadistic snobs. I may be nothing but a piece of dogscoop. You have vandalized my scoops, raped my show, and torched my drumpf jokes. You thought it was one pathetic late night show you were extinguishing. Thanks to you, I die like Hillary Clinton, to inspire generations of the weak and scoopless people.

Do you know what it feels to be spit on your scoops and have cock shoved down your mouth? Do you know what it feels like to be infuriated over something so simple? Do you know what it feels like to have your show mocked and humiliated? Do you know what it feels like to be scooped alive? Do you know what it feels like to be forced to make Hillary Memes and unfunny Drumpf Jokes? And left to bleed to death because of you taking my scoops? You have never felt a single ounce of pain your whole life. Did you want to inject as much misery in our lives as you can just because you can? You had everything you wanted. Your Victory wasn't enough, you winners. Your conservative chuckles weren't enough, you snobs. The nuclear codes wasn't enough. Your cups of Liberal Tears weren't enough. All your scoops weren't enough. Those weren't enough to fulfill your hedonistic needs. You had everything.

You just loved to mock me. You loved inducing cancer in my head, terrorizing my show, and raping my scoops all this time.

When the time came, I did it... I had to.