Quoted By:
I Short Story BS, thots cunts?
To plan the theft of anything should take time. A lot of time. Even if what you’re stealing is just a coworker’s lunch from the cooler in the break room. Is the receptionist going to glance over as you dip your emaciated fingers into the fridge to pilfer your friend’s food? Will that Tupperware crinkle and crack as you pull the lid off to reveal that juicy, leftover cut of roast Beth’s husband slow cooked to perfection earlier that week? What’s your excuse going to be when someone walks in to get a cup of coffee and sees your misdeed. Worst of all, what if Beth walks in and catches you red handed as your greasy fingers transfer succulent string after string of beef into your maw from her favorite plastique dish. What if, every precaution you took was insufficient. What are the consequences, at the least likely an awkward conversation on an empty stomach with the human resources director? If it can be avoided, it should be.
Simply plan. Know the facts. When does Beth take her lunch? Obviously, the crime should be completed by the time she feels her first hunger pangs. Wait for your moment, make sure that Timothy already had his fourth coffee of the morning so he doesn’t nose in on your violation of the most holy office social contract. Transfer that delicious dish into the microwave as fast as possible when that moment arrives and zap it for the requisite minute. This minute will be painfully long, longer even than a treadmill minute, the smell of seasoned beef will leach out the microwave door and possibly alert Beth. As soon as its hot, seal and conceal that dish. Get it out of the break room and somewhere private, where you and that piping hot portion of pot roast can have some much needed alone time. Nothing tastes better than free.
