All my life I have been attracted to women. I've damn near been obsessed with tits, and pussy has always been the "be all end all" for me. But Over the last 5 years or so, I have lost interest in women. Pussy does nothing for me anymore, I can't even really keep my dick hard anymore. I have no desire to fuck anymore and lately I am ashamed of my dick problems which makes me even less interested in women. Now, I've never been attracted to men ever a day in my life, even to this day, guys do nothing for me. Masculinity has always been a turn off, but my thoughts have been pretty fucking gay. Over the last few years I've started to fantasize about sucking dicks and taking dicks up my asshole. Basically becoming a cum dump for men. The idea of being completely emasculated and dominated by men really turns me on. So much so that it gets my dick hard and I'm able to jack off to those thoughts. I think of being owned and used, just being completely humiliated.

My question is... WHY do I have these thoughts and desires? It's not like I'd ever actually go through with this because men do nothing for me! Am I a closet faggot? Have I always been and I just don't know it? I'm still sexually attracted to women but not enough to fuck them anymore so I don't know what my deal is. I think I'm just mentally fucked up. I'm just not sure what to do. A part of me wants to befriend a guy and just try it, but diseases are too risky in this day and age, so I just keep this shit to myself and jack off to the thoughts. Why is life is fucked up...?