I hate everything about life.
I have never done anything worth of note what so ever.
Everyone my age is doing a billion times better than what I could ever hope to do.
I feel that the world is now too much of a cynical hostile place while I myself take comfort in my cynical solidarity lifestyle in an attempt to make my self seem better. It doesn't though and I just feel worse.
I should be dead I feel like I'm living my life in some sort of shitty movie sequel and a mere imitation of what the real thing should be like.
I have never had a friend or anyone who actually enjoyed being around me. I texted one friend a little bit and I even got the number of the girl I liked and texted her a bunch. But nothing came out of it and I never got the courage to do anything or ask her.
I know I could fix it. I could go to the gym and workout and lose weight and cut the excess skin. I could actually use my education to learn how to do I job. I could better myself and whatnot but in the end I'll still be a small dicked, friendless loser.
I have this so much but I don't want to die because I'm scared of it.
I'm scared of the idea of hell and the idea of nothing.
It's all so cruel I don't want everything to devolve into hatred and chaos forever in in death or at that time nothing into ceaseless pessimistic oblivion.
I hate every person to just be happy after death whether they were good people or not.
I just want everyone to be happy.
I want to be happy.