You're afraid of intimacy which is why you feel lonely. You have no control over your life because you don't believe you are in control since it's easier to submit to fate rather than control your own life, because being in control involves making decisions and being hurt. Facing others also involves being hurt, but the gratifying thing about people's company is that you suddenly see yourself relative to real people rather than relative to nothing. You believe you're nothing because you don't experience anything. This leads to self hatred because anger is a result of fear, and you fear being hurt. The reason why people are happy is because they decided to take control over their lives and face pain for the gratification of owning their own destiny and living to their full potential.