What do you do when life losses all its meaning?

I feel like killing myself (at least after my parents die), I find no meaning to life. But I also scared about what happens after dying as several things made me realize that everything is genuinely vacue, as if everybody was already dead since they were born, therefore rendering the concept of existence to an illusion, a mere accident.

Everything I once believed turns to be either fake or relative, giving life absolutely no meaning

This doomed land where I was born makes me believe its some kind of curse which blows every possible sense of hope, raising more the idea that existence genuinely has no sense at all.

Are we just an accident or an illusion?