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Throughout my entire life up until this point i have gotten my way irl and online to some extent by messing with, shaming, and stepping on others for either fun or status among my peers. I feel scummy yet rewarded at the same time for my actions, i feel vindicated time and time again by others. I think this is a unhealthy cycle, i just need to survive until i live my enviroment, then my efforts of changing might go somewhere i think.