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The answer is invariably a rigid steel 29er.
Cushy ride with no suspension to worry about, the only maintenance it'll ever need is the tires, drivetrain and brake pads, and you can go as wide or narrow with the tires as you want.
I'd reconsider the color requirement, it's easier to get a frame that you like and repaint it than it is to find what you're looking for in exactly the color you want. Off the top of my head Marin Muirwoods and Brother Cycles Big Bro come in black.
