>>1580179>>1580172What this guy said
Plus weight. Weight really helps. Nothing wrong with carbon unless you're planning on crashing hard or throwing it down a ravine
I will add: dropped chain stays with no calliper brake bridge make a MASSIVE difference to comfort, 90% of new gravel bikes copy this design, having higher chain stays and a bridge really stiffen the rear triangle and cause a lot of buzz and uncomfiness
Also, mounting your heavy stuff low will improve performance. Skip the racks, make or buy a frame bag from AliExpress, buy military surplus ammo pouches/dump pouches for feedbags. Done, very lightweight luggage for cheap.
Gravel shoes. MTB are too heavy and armoured. Road are too uncomfy to walk in. You want pretty stiff, but not full-carbon rock solid as the buzz will get uncomfy. As light as you can find, I like the XC5 from Shimano, its great for the price, extremely light, durable, laces and carbon too.
If your butt hurts try a thinner carbon seat post for more flex. Look at the Cannondale Topstone carbon as reference - they give you 30mm rear suspension just by having a flexy seat post, that's how key it is. Throw away the aluminium or steel seat post - carbon isn't bling, its flexy, absorbs buzz and very comfy. A minimal amount of padding on seats goes a long way, but carbon seats (especially rails) are much flexier and comfier than steel. Same for bars. Add extra gel under the bar tape, get gel gloves. Welcome to comfy town without the weight.