Aoi, 46
When I was growing up, there was no talk of sex or relationships at home. It was all very secret
Attitudes to sex aren’t very good in Japan – some people find it embarrassing, others obscene. If anything, I think it’s taboo. For most of my life, I never spoke openly about sex. When I was growing up, there was no talk of sex or relationships at home. It was all very secret, and I wasn’t open about being sexually active. Looking back, I think that’s just how I’d learned to be.
Jiro and I have been together for almost seven years. We met at a hippy music festival and had drinks in the hot springs together. We have quite normal sex – oral and then a few of the standard positions like missionary or doggy. It’s not very experimental, but that is not a problem for me. Perhaps it’s my age, but I don’t feel the need to seek special stimulation now.
Intimacy is really important for me
I’ve heard stories about couples in Japan who are not having sex. In the western media they called it a “sex crisis”. This isn’t talked about openly, but in my view, after having children and being together a long time, some couples do stop having sex. I think that is unnatural, because sex is a natural thing.
You hear stories through friends about people in sexless relationships secretly looking for other sexual partners. As people get older, they gradually lose confidence in themselves, and that’s what they are seeking to regain. I wonder if an open relationship can help with that; the trust it would require will strengthen the relationship. I don’t think we’re at that stage yet, but it’s something I’m thinking about as I get older.
Jiro and I have sex a couple of times a week, and this intimacy is really important for me. For a woman, as you get older, it can feel as if your attractiveness has diminished, and this affects your confidence. Through sex, you can transcend age.
