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I'll be totally honest with you guys here. The objectively correct answer is a rigid steel MTB with a 7 speed Shimano hyperglide drivetrain. You can find one on craiglist for $100
And the pinnacle of these is the Specialized Stumpjumper. Look at this puppy here. Look at the long wheelbase with ample heel clearance for panniers. Look at the double butted Tange chromoly tubing. Look at all the braze ons for racks and fenders. Look at the beautiful double crown fork. This bike must have been the result of Specialized's best designers coming together and asking themselves "if we were to design the perfect bike without giving consideration to the demands of your typical average retarded consumer, what would it look like?"
