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I had a really bad year when I was 14. That autumn my parents went away over Columbus Day weekend and left me at home. I walked out into the woods with a shovel and dug a grave and laid down in it, staring up through the trees. I stayed there all night until the next day, got up in the morning and went back home. Something big changed in me that night. Something to do with the dirt, and the cold, and hiding in the earth and waking up covered in leaves.