Quoted By:
Boone, NC and heartbroken, that bitch cheated on me and gave me chlamydia. Go camping with a bunch of friends to feel better. We party hard. Next morning, see a half gallon of rum looking good and still half full. My friend Kyle says, “Bet you can’t finish that.” Prove him wrong. Feel cool. Put on headphones and experience American Beauty like never before jumping rock to rock in the river. Everyone eventually gets up and starts packing. I’m so wasted at this point my friends have to pack my gear. Immediately on our hike back I fall off the trail down the mountain, a branch catches the rob lobe
of my ear and rips right through it. Big fucking fallen tree finally stops my fall. Friends have to carry me up the hill. I’m bleeding everywhere. They carry me back up to the trail, but all I can think about is that cheating bitch and I start running and immediately run off the trail, again, and fall until a tree stops me, again. They carry me back up and ended up all sitting on me until I pass out, until fucking Kyle decides to wake me up and say, “Hey man, everything’s okay, everybody loves you.” To which I scream, “I CAN’T LOVE ANYBODY! I HAVE CHLAMYDIA!” And try to take off running but am immediately tackled by everyone before I can fall down the mountain again. The guys are sitting on me screaming at Kyle saying it’s all his fault, the only girl left there was just laughing and I pass out. They sat there on me all day until before dark and then got me to the car somehow.
My friends love to tell this story to this day, “And then he said, ‘I can’t love anybody, I have chlamydia!’” Yeah yeah yeah, well, they saved my life that day so they can tell it as much as they want. So, I guess now I’m telling you. Moral of the story is don’t be that asshole everyone has to take care of while camping/hiking. Stay safe out there.
