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>go camping with group of friends
>they bring new girl along
>shes staring at me all night and giving me the eye
>shes cute but i can tell shes batshit crazy
>we all end up around campfire, i get violently drunk
>crazy chick asks if i can help her with something in her car
>im so fucked up i dont realize whats going on so i follow her to her car and ask what she needs
>she jumps my bones and instantly has her clothes off
>i cant get hard, she starts freaking out and crying
>start to comfort her, remember i dont give a shit about her and go back to fire to drink more
>find out later she is actually schizo, like attacking boyfriends and hearing voices and shit
>glad my dick could smell the crazy and stay down
>go hiking in TX hill country with fiancee
>we reach peak of decent sized mountain, fantastic view
>she grabs me and we start making out
>drops to her knees and starts giving great BJ
>getting dick sucked + the view was killer
>suddenly hear some rustling, someones coming (not me lol)
>try to pull up pants fast, hiss at fiancee to put her tits back in her shirt
>super sweet looking nerdy asian guy comes around trail
>he had to have seen us, we're just standing in middle of trail awkwardly, fiancee pretending to fix shoes
>he passes us, i say hi, he gives me a look of sheer disappointment and disgust, he saw us lol
>he goes by, tell fiancee to finish what she started, she swallows
