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>tfw rented out a plot on an allotment recently
>have always dreamed of being a gardener
>plot is fucking covered in dead grass and weeds
>thought I could just dig the plot over, it would take a while but who cares, I have the time and no friends
>went yesterdau with a spade and a large fork
>started trying to dig
>soil is fucking hard and dry as fuck
>can't even make a dent
>I am very weak and scrawny and have anorexia so start to feel pretty nervous about digging the soil with my weak bones exposed to the world
>get angry as fuck
>drive to a DIY store an buy an axe thinking I can smash the ground up with an axe to get to the soft bits
>also assumed if I go at night then it will be better for me because the soil animals will be asleep and might get suddenly woken up by me, causing them to wriggle and loosen the soil
>go at 2am, assume it will be empty
>go to my plot
>take my axe and start smashing the floor with it
>do this for 20 minutes, soil is starting to crack, feel pretty good
>hear a shout
>'WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?'
>'WHO ARE YOU?'
>turn
>allotment manager is there
>he must live in the house in the middle of the site
>panic
>shout 'I AM AXE MURDERING THESE POTATO HAHA'
>run away and escape through the back entrance
>tfw there weren't potatoes there, and I didn't mask my voice
well I guess I'll go back to buying all my food from the store
