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I guess it's not related, or maybe it is.
My girlfriend suffers from early schizophrenia, runs in her family sadly. She knows it'll get worse and we both have sort of accepted the fact that she'd rather end her life at some point in near future. The symptoms are getting worse and it doesn't help that I'm currently serving in the military and she lives a country apart.
I see her as often as I can, but everytime I leave it feels like I'm abandoning her.
She's not crazy, she wants to be a housewife, take care of the kids while I work. And that's a future we both know will not be possible.
I want to have a child with her.
But I'd be a single father.
I couldn't make her feel like she has to suffer all of that just to be thrown in some mental institute later on.
And I don't know if I could take the burden of a child that will never see the smile of her mother or feel her embrace.
I will miss her more than anything I know in this world, sharing a cigarette, watching dumb comedies and classic movies, falling asleep to music, playing piano with her. All that will be left of her are memories.
Death is a way out, to somewhere better I hope.
I just wish if there was someone you felt any trust, a connectiom with, you'd talk to them. Not to make you reconsider I suppose, but to let them accept the fact that you will be forever gone in this plane of existence.
I hope for all the best, map the passage for us when you get there.
