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You can buy a hatchet in fucking B&Q if you're over 18, silly bollocks.
Chains like Millets sell everything else you could need, barring firearms.
If you want a rifle, apply for a licence, not that difficult.
The only places close to being remote on the British Isles are the Scottish Highlands. Not bad in the summer, but the midges WILL kill you.
Alternative is to squat on a Maunsell Fort.