>>2279335>>2279363>>2279366>>2279411Ironically I kept trying to walk away. The lady said sorry and I told her I don't care about an apology just put them on a leash. She got mad; followed me, and started screaming at me to accept her apology. That's when her yappy dog started jumping on me. I didn't really kick it as much as agressively shoed it away with my foot. That's when she really lost her shit and started swinging her walking stick at me. The trail was on a hill and every swing I dodged she went down and slid down hill like 5 feet..she was tripping over herself. I was trying to walk away down the hill and kept below her on the trail (trying to walk away). About her third swing and miss (and nosedive) she started screaming "rape" and that's when I laughed and said, "it cries out in pain as it attacks you." She refused to stop swinging her stick at me (and falling every time) and after a half dozen attempts her husband came around a bend, saw his wife, and took a swing at my face. I ducked into it and he hit the thickest part of my skull. As I was using his momentum to put him on the ground the bitch pushed me and I added the force to the fall and used him as a cushion (him face down and me on top). I stitched up his kidneys to take the fight out of him--kinda felt bad for the guy and pulled my punches. The lady finally landed one on me with her stick, I laughed and got off the guy (after explaining why it was a bad idea to keep fighting); complemented her on finally hitting me, got my hat and disappeared into the forest. It was cathartic. City paracites with pets are insufferable.