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100% true story guise
>be 18
>bored one day
>decide to go for a hike in forest near my house
>be hiking in the woods
>something purple catches my eye in the distance
>have a weird feeling about it
>fuck it, check it out anyways
>get over to the area that its in
> its in the middle of a marshy area
>i start walking towards it but my feet start sinking into the mud
> keep walking, consumed by my curiosity
>my feet are really sinking in now
>right as i realize what it is, my feet get totally stuck
>its an onion.
>and its not in a marsh, its a swamp
>Shreks swamp
>I immediately hear a roar from behind me
>i try and run but my feet are stuck
>i feel a large hand on my shoulder
>he bends me over and whispers in my ear
>"it will all be oger soon"
>he ripped my anus to shreds and left me crying tears of joy until my dad came and found me and took me home for counselling
