>>2493450oh boy you guys are in for a doozy
>be me, /out/ and proud, innawoods at dusk>freak thunderstorm, take shelter under rocky overpass>an hour passes, day turns to night, rain eventually stops>i casually leave shelter, begin walking back toward trailhead>eerily silent>a few minutes later, i hear a thunder clap behind me, *BRAP*>"oh no, the storm is back">but wait, i didn't see any lightning>continue walking>*BRAP*, another thunderclap, this time closer, wtf>*BRAP*, it's getting closer, i start running>*BRAP* i'm panicking, the air is now heavy with the smell of sulfur and Taco Bell>*BRAP* the sound is almost deafening now, and i can hear a heavy wheezing>i turn around>PIC RELATED emerges from the gloom>its massive cheeks continue to clap, almost deafening me>between the claps, it begins to blubber, making noises approaching human speech>"ATTACKED BY BLACK TEENAGERS">"TOOK MY CLOTHES">"IT WAS JUST A BOTTLE BRO">"DO YOU HAVE GOOGLE MAPS">i stood transfixed, hypnotized by the majesty of its undulating fatty rump under the light of a waxing moon>"BRO DO YOU HAVE ANY TRAIL MIX">survival instincts kick in, I throw a rock at the creature and resume running toward the trailhead parking lot>get in my car, ignition, headlights, peel out in a cloud of dust>on the long drive home, i wonder... was it all my imagination?>but when i get home...>there is a greasy ass-print on the passenger doorhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_yAw0aFSP0 