>>1422249practicality: Ocarina. Nice silicon ocarina. Low profile, gives both hands something to do, blows hot air on the fingers, can switch notes on a dime. Can also be strung if you have to make a dash.
flair, easy learning curb: slide whistle or tin whistle: Both are as easy to learn as glancing at a fingering chart. The slide whistle can hit notes you could only dream on other instruments, like a woodwind violin. Can get fancy with the notes and start reproducing memorised songs fast.
Chad: full sized acoustic guitar. If a bear attacks you, just go full quickdraw mcgraw on him. Sound box gives moderate amount of insulation. For those who want to say "Fuck you nature! I got this shit!" Just wear it on your back.
Jews Harp: tiny as fuck for all the space autists. Easy to learn, unique. Can chip your teeth if you fuck up. Makes you sound like Iron Man.
Harmonica: ezpz to use, just blow. Double the notes by inhaling, can sharpen case into steel tipped spear if shit hits the fan. Immune to crushing and tiny.
Sousaphone: Don't even worry about bear and couger attacks or elephant attacks. Blast them with a dirge and they will go running to the ends of the Earth.
Cello: Only the best of the best may attempt this...
Voice: Ahh, you were at my side the whole time!
Clapping: No.
