Guys please help. I'm 30 and I want to kms every day. The only thing that brings me motivation is the hope of returning to an /out/life. I have a girlfriend and a business (going on 5 years now) and everyone thinks I’m doing great but in reality I feel like I'm lying to myself every day, nothing brings me joy and everything but the idea of an /out/life holds no meaning to me. My birthplace is rural Siberia and my family's always gone hiking/camping/fishing/foraging in every country we've lived in. I lived in a forest in New Zealand for 2 years alone growing and foraging my own food and it was fucking awesome. Now I’m miserable for years living in society and every day all I think about is going back to rural NZ to just live that kind of back-to-the-land life again. I have Aus citizenship so visa wouldn't be an issue. I also hate kids and have no desire ever to start a family.

I guess my question is - Should I a) keep grinding away at building a business that I don’t care about in the hope that it can generate me money in the future which I can use to fund my /out/life (assuming I could step away from the business)? Or should I b) just say fuck it and immediately go do the only thing that gives me immense pleasure & deep sense of meaning before I get even older?

If b) then what are some ideas for generating income that can be done alone in rural NZ? I have no problem with occasional human interaction but can’t stand cohabitation, working alongside others or having to report to a boss. Ideally something that can be done solo. Is a 1-man market gardening operation even feasible/doable? Can I make money trapping possums for fur?

There is also a c) option. My dad is pretty loaded and honestly I don’t think he would object to sending me money every now and then. That’s kind of a last resort. My body is here but my mind is in a meadow under a canopy wrapped in smells of yesterday’s fire waiting for a fish bite. How do you guys fund your /out/life?