Hapless dipshits that somehow made it thread?

Let's start with Truman Everts:
Faggot Vermonter dude decides he wants to play explorer in the 1870, promptly becomes seperated from his party in the Yellowstone region.
>wanders around preventing himself from being found
>is then abandoned in a blizzard
>lets his horse run off with his guns, bedding, matches, fishing gear, etc
>somehow loses his knives soon after
>wanders around with a burning stick to make fires
>stalked and tormented by predators
>falls into a geyser
>falls into his own campfire
>gets his feet frostbitten
>has to eat roots
>is found crawling, delirious 37 days later