Bears are the bums of nature. People think they are some kind of noble predator like wolves and cougars, but they are actually just giant racoons. They slink around eating fruit and carrion, breaking into people's stuff at night and eating garbage. They are all lazy oafs, and are extremely afraid of people, dogs, cats, and other bears. You will smell them before you see them, and if you find one around your place, it just means that you haven't carefully destroyed every last morsel of organic waste that is not hermetically sealed inside of some high tech garbage can.

Fuck bears!