>>1931150This made me remember my days when I worked for a group dedicated to finding Bigfoot.
We always done our searches in the Oregon woods, where loads of reports and sightings have came from. Upon our searches there, we’ve only caught certain howls on our recorders, maybe a slight silhouette of a figure through the trees and sometimes rocks being thrown at us by an unknown entity, but no strong evidence of a Bigfoot. It was extremely frustrating for us, but we were determined to catch this autistic ape.
However, after one of our extensive searches and investigations, something happened. Something I lived to tell.
One dark night, we were wrapping up our investigation. We didn’t catch shit at all, except maybe some fucking tree branches breaking but that’s about it. I went to go take a massive shit in the woods while the team started packing up the equipment.
After walking around for a couple of minutes, I found the perfect bush. I jumped in it, unzipped my trousers, squatted down, then proceeded to drop the Obamas off in the woods.
Suddenly, I started hearing footsteps. Heavy footsteps. I called out to see if it was one of the team members, because at this point I had been gone for a little while.
“Rick!? Is that you?” I yelled out. Of course, no answer. The footsteps started getting closer.
I started freaking out. I couldn’t get up to run away because I had half of a shit log hanging out of my turd cutter.
To my surprise, I feel a rather large hairy finger slide down the crack of my ass and into my bootyhole. I yelped out, but not in displeasure. It felt kinda good. I turned around and there was the autistic ape himself, Bigfoot. He was licking his fingers. He then had a smile of malicious intent, staring at me.
