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this seems like a joke thread but i'll be honest. My life is changed after buying one of those squirt bottles with a long neck & nozzle that post-childbirth women have to use instead of toilet paper, after my friend with a kid hyped them up. It's called a peri bottle and it's like a little portable bidet so you can rinse yourself clean and then just use a handkerchief to dry off. Not so great if you have to pack in all your water but for no waste areas like National Parks it beats packing out used TP or praying for mullein/soft leaves.