Quoted By:
I got a story. No one will believe it, but it's true. All of it.
>Be deep innawoods, camping on my own for a day now
>Body all sweaty and hot and sticky and shit
>Strip and bathe in a nearby stream
>Cook and drink during sundown
>Suddenly, under darkness of night, I hear a rustling
>It startles me
>Now I needa pee
>Decide I'll go to where I hear the rustling to mark my territory lol
>I sit up from the fire and--
>Something big out of sight snorts from the spot
>Freeze where I stand
>...But I still really gotta pee
>Decide fuck it and look for another spot to piss
>As I'm walking through the woods, I hear it follow me
>Heart races, adrenaline pumps through my veins
>...But it makes me need to pee harder
>Finally, I find a clearing with a creek
>I unzip my pants and then--
>Boom
>Across the creek, I see it: a tall shadowy figure, massive and shaggy, lurking in the darkness
>It's deadass grunting at me
>I can see its shoulders raise with its breath
>It makes a "GROWRP" type sound
>I really should be running, but...
>Piss splatters out uncontrollably
>Barely makes it to the creek
>The thing scoffs
>"Erm, dude??? What are you doing in my woods, man????"
>A cloud which obcured the moon passes, and I see the creature entirely
>It's Bigfoot, dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses, holding a cocktail in one hand and pointing at me with the other
>I gawk and piss at the same time
"I... I just wanted to connect with nature, man..."
>Bigfoot snorts at this
>"You picked a helluva time for a nature piss, didn't ya?"
>He bursts into laughter
>"Ah, oh well," he chuckles. "You seem nice enough. You from 'round here?"
>We chat for a while, sip cocktails, and share stories
>Turns out, Bigfoot just wanted a break from the "wild" life, so he moved from LA to these parts
>We part ways, and as I walk away, I can't help but realize this is the probably the moment I peaked in life
I hate nature
