/out/ - Outdoors » Thread #527051

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Anonymous Tue 02 Jun 2015 03:02:32 No.527051 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By: >>527066 >>527117 >>527127 >>527152

Field-expedient sex toys. What have you made?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 02 Jun 2015 03:48:43 No.527066 Report

Quoted By: >>527067 >>527073 >>527091 >>527257 >>527492 >>527578

>>527051
Any fresh kill is a new hole, friend. Here's a story to give you an example
>new guy at work is a bit shy
>not making many friends
>i try to talk to him about stuff
>hunting comes up
>he says he doesn't like guns
>i say that's cool
>a few days later
>invite new guy over
>he shows up around 9
>we were gunna grill some steaks and watch some stuff on discovery channel
>he knocks on the door
>i open it
>he walks in a notices my guns on the wall
>he is visibly shaken
>"bro it's cool, they're safe"
>he walks inside
>i loudly lock the door from the inside
>he watches as i pt the key into my pants
>"can't be too careful" i tell him
>I tell him I just put the steaks on the grill
>we sit on my couch and open some beers
>i turn on the TV
>"oh dang, my hunting tape!" I say
>"i think the game is on channel 50" he says
>"naw it doesn't start for another 15 minutes, we have some time..." I say
>"i don't really want to watch this." he says
>A gunshot breaks the silence
>"oh man look at that buck i just bagged!" i say
>the screen shows me jogging up the a deer on the ground
>blood pours from a bullet hole in it's neck
>a few metalic sounds are heard
>my penis appears on screen
>in the video, the new guy from work watches me in horror as i insert my penis into the deer's neck
>blood spurts everywhere as i pump
>i pan to the deer's eyes, they are moving frantically
>i shot it right in the spine, paralyzing it but leaving it alive to feel my girth
>the new guy vomits on the couch
>i am aroused
>"DUDE WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?" He screams
>"calm down brian" i tell him
>"MY NAMES NOT BRIAN I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!" He screams again.
>he runs to the door
>it's locked
>he pulls out his cell
>"i'm calling the cops you sick fuck!" he tells me
>"i don't think I can let you do that" i tell him, advancing towards the door
>"stay away from me freak!" he yells as he dashes to the home phone, after seeing his cellphone has no reception

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 02 Jun 2015 03:49:44 No.527067 Report

Quoted By: >>527073 >>527080 >>527578 >>528118

>>527066
>he grabs the home phone
>no dial tone, i made sure of that
>"what the fuck you freak!!" he shouts again
>from the tv you hear me shouting in pleasure as a massive orgasm rocks my body, followed by another gunshot as i finish off the poor beast.
>the new guy runs to the back door, opens in and heads outside
>he stands by the grill and grabs a log
>"i'm not afraid to use this" he says
>"don't you want your steak?" i ask
>he opens the grill
>on the grill is a 14'' long severed horse cock, still steaming in the cold night
>there is a small patch of white goo on the head
>"WHAT THE FUCK" he shouts
>finally the sedative i put in his beer kicks in
>he falls to the ground

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 02 Jun 2015 04:00:19 No.527073 Report

Quoted By:

>>527066
>>527067
Now this is top quality shitposting.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 02 Jun 2015 04:14:34 No.527080 Report

Quoted By: >>527504

>>527067
Continue? Maybe? I know there is more.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 02 Jun 2015 04:40:21 No.527091 Report

Quoted By:

>>527066
Kek

TheArborist !!6EWSCPNzHJp

TheArborist !!6EWSCPNzHJp Tue 02 Jun 2015 05:36:42 No.527113 Report

Quoted By:

Wooden paddle for Miss to beat me with :(

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 02 Jun 2015 05:46:13 No.527117 Report

Quoted By:

>>527051
Have you considered fucking yourself?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 02 Jun 2015 06:08:16 No.527127 Report

Quoted By: >>527130

>>527051
Looking to baton something up your butt?

TheArborist !!6EWSCPNzHJp

TheArborist !!6EWSCPNzHJp Tue 02 Jun 2015 06:21:45 No.527130 Report

Quoted By:

>>527127

You know a Mora sheath seems like it might actually work for that quite nicely. It'd be a lot like two fingers I would think.

It could be like the /out/ equivalent to the time a /k/ommando put a nugget bolt up his bum.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 02 Jun 2015 07:51:47 No.527152 Report

Quoted By:

>>527051
In the swedish army a thermos filled with boiled pasta is known as a "ranger-pussy". Haven't tested it myself though.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 02 Jun 2015 15:05:10 No.527257 Report

Quoted By:

>>527066
fuckin a+ in my book anon, someone needs to cap this, i also hope theres more.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 02 Jun 2015 23:26:27 No.527492 Report

Quoted By: >>527578

>>527066

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 02 Jun 2015 23:39:52 No.527504 Report

Quoted By: >>527579 >>528579

>>527080
>I know there is more.

I think I stopped at the right time in that story. Please do not ask for the true ending.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 03 Jun 2015 02:03:00 No.527578 Report

Quoted By:

>>527492
ty
>>527066
>>527067
top kek

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 03 Jun 2015 02:05:50 No.527579 Report

Quoted By:

>>527504
Deliver faggot

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 04 Jun 2015 00:06:52 No.528118 Report

Quoted By:

>>527067
>>he opens the grill
misteak in your plot

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 04 Jun 2015 19:44:55 No.528579 Report

Quoted By:

>>527504
What is the true ending? I need to know please

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