A lot of people these days say sasquampches are a myth. These are usually a couple of dumb sexy hunks who went out with a couple of flashlights, looked around for an hour and forty five minutes, then went home when they found nothing and said squampsatches aren't real.

I'm here to tell you that's a bunch of horse hockey and I can prove it for a thousand dollars. These are five of the easiest steps for officially finding a confirmed sasquench for the science award.

1. Find a squempswotch

This is the hard one. They are level 60 druids so they can teleport, that's why they are naked because clothes don't teleport with you and you need to be naked for seduction spells, which is what they put most of their points into.

The exact moment, the MOMENT you catch a squaptch masturbating with his guard down is your only chance. You have to get naked too, ideally already be naked and throw yourself right at it.

2. The beast with two backs

Time for the jungle dance (you know the one). Locate his anal opening which may be difficult on account of thick fur which will be matted with dried feces near the rim. Chew these off if you have to, it's a real man's breakfast. Now before he can buck you off like a bronco, spit on your johnson and ease the tip into his puckered asshole. Gentle at first but start thrusting pretty soon to incapacitate the squampch with butt pleasure

3. Romantic technique

If you have finesse you will bite his ear lobe and softly sing romantic dubstep jams to him while you are busy plumbing his chocolate factory with your mean bean machine. "AEERROOOUGGHH" he will probably say, which is squimpsotch for "You bold, handsome ruffian." Drop the bass here, it will blow his mind long enough to distract, this is when the juice is loose if you know the common parlance. 2 or 3 good spurts is all you need

4. The miracle of nature

When you withdraw your shit covered dink, he will already be erupting his foul squatch essence into the air, microscopic spores that