>>869701Pistol-grip 12ga Mossberg on side of pack, 10mm Glock 20 in drop leg, Ka-Bar Big Brother on left shoulder strap, plus a Winchester Safari gun in .375 H&H if in bear country. When laying camp I create a sharpened log pole barrier on all sides and string paracord through it to trip anything that might try to sneak through. I carry a couple of No. 4 coilsprings as well and put them around the tent. Sometimes I'll make punji stick traps, or build multiple fires around the campsite so I can throw lantern fuel molotovs if necessary. I also started using battery powered IR motion sensors last season that wake me up if anything crosses the first perimeter. Once I have enough money I'm going to get some FLIR goggles, too.
When hiking I constantly talk to myself in different voices about tactical things, liquor, and girls I've seen in Playboy so that any animal or human with malintent is led to believe that I'm not one person but a rogue squad of security contractors on a live ammo/weapons hot training mission where they're supposed shoot anything threatening as the training scenario is supposed to present them android enemy targets at random intervals. Sometimes on a long hike I'll fire the Mossberg and then rapid fire the Glock at nothing and then cheer in a couple of different voices things like, "Yeah! Got another lifelike training android! Get some, yeah!" and "Kill anything that moves!" Depending on the terrain, I'll bring along ziplock bags of children's underwear soaked in chicken blood and leave a pair here or there along trails and at campsites. If I had a source for shaved monkey fingers, I'd probably place those nearby as well. Lastly, I bought one of those spiky anti-rape devices for African vaginas and put it in my butt to deter any probing ayys. Honestly, I feel more comfortable in nature than I do at home.
