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So I got my dad's Zenit ET.
It sort of winds, but the shutter doesn't move at all and the film spool doesn't turn (the sprocket turns, though). The disassembly didn't give any easy answers, and it's probably beyond repair/reassembly at this point. I just can't be bothered because the best case scenario is that I will have a working mediocre camera after hours of painful repairs.
And the lens is garbage, by the way. The aperture ring is in the most retarded position -- it fucks up the focus if you turn it too hard or too far.
But it works, so I might keep it.