>>4242229There are 3 realms that constitute one's well being, which are 1. physical (organic) 2. psychic and 3. spiritual.
You have a disfunction in at least one of these fields. I suggest you to do a full check up and see a doctor ASAP. If you kill yourself you'll go straight to hell according to all major religions so it would be smart to not bet against the infinite as demonstrated by Pascal's wager.
Here's a nice picture.
