Here's what to do friend.
1. Tits on here now
2. Head STRAIGHT to Ken Rockwell, read the reviews and post a thread on /p/ about mirrorless
4. Next head over to /r/Photography and make a thread a day, each with slightly different wording about whether you really need a DSLR to be a "photographer"
5. After a few days of this you'll be ready, but you need a credit card for this step so maybe swing by the bank. Head straight to amazon and buy a Canon 1Dx Mark II. It's really good, most people on /p/ have one
6. You'll need lenses obviously, but us photographers call them "glass", as in "that's some sick glass you got there bro!" when you see someone with a really big piece of glass. Never say lens. Ever.
7. Buy a 50mm lens, it doesn't matter that you can't change the zoom, only casuals need zoom.
>wildlife photography? zoom with legs
>sports photography? zoom with legs
>deep space astrophotography? zoom with legs
Make sure you make a thread on /r/Photography about how great "prime lenses" are. You'll also want a light meter. Trust me.
8. Once this all arrives do an unboxing thread. It's important that any criticism is responded to by calling that person poor.
9. Now you have you're starter camera it's time to head out, before you do though make sure to make a thread about how you're interested in going back to what photography was build on, film photography. It'll be there when you get back don't worry.
10. Head STRAIGHT to the poorest area around you. Remember you bought a lens with no zoom? Use your legs, only commies zoom. Start blasting photos of the tramp and using the light meter. People will know you're a pro.
11, Head home, post on /p/ about the best software for "post". Don't use any of it's features though, put the photos in black and white and start a new thread, fill it with these masterpieces. Listen to none of the advice posted.
You're now one of us, congrats brother.
