>>3996558Enough of the legal stuff has been resolved that I can finally talk about it. It was after someone tried to attack me behind my house. He rushed me and I made for my gun, full intention of killing him the moment it cleared my holster. He froze when he saw me grab it. I could feel the impulse all up my arm screaming at me to pull and dump and there was all this shouting and all I could hear was my heart in my ears.
There'd been a camera in my backyard so the whole thing was on video. I showed it to the police when they came and they told me I did the right thing. The deputy privately hinted that I probably could have shot him. I felt so alive and proud that I'd defended my family but in the time that followed I completely buckled. No charges were pressed. Daily harassment occurred, I was in and out of court getting protective orders that the police never enforced. My family was scared all the time, I didn't sleep, I lost fifteen pounds, I cried a lot when I was alone. I was angry all the time, especially at this man that almost made me kill him and I realized that I should have and I realized I didn't want to kill anyone.
So I spent time alone walking my property. It gave me distance from what was happening. I started to shoot a series on small vegetation that was poking up through the snow. I tried to use the snow to maximize negative space.
The one you're asking about: I saw the damaged ends and the simple, delicate lines. I got real low in the snow and crawled around in it orienting and isolating. It wasn't thought so much as recognition.
I wish I'd gotten my exposures to be more consistent, that I'd nailed my DoF in more shots, that I'd figured out what I was trying to show myself.
Some guys came and ripped up all my fields with their ATVs and snowmobiles and I couldn't find the quiet anymore. The tracks became another point of voiceless rage inside of me.
I'll revisit them and get some prints when it's all finally resolved.
Sorry for the blog.
