Quoted By:
>And don’t get me started on the Eye’s obsession with the Ring. ‘The Ring this, the Ring that.’ That Ring had more goddqmn screen time than the rest of the roster! I said, ‘We gotta build some midcard stories, give people a break from the end-of-the-world melodrama,’ and he’s like, ‘NO. FULL WAR. ALL THE TIME.’ Great. That’s real creative. Real genius, Shakespeare. Go book a fucking deathmatch with Moria Goblins while you're at it, you pyro-loving moron.
>Of course the internet hates it and blames me! I had Boromir turn heel at the Council, tease a redemption arc, maybe come back at Helm’s Deep in a hot tag spot. But no, Sauron’s like, ‘Kill him in Act One, we need the heat.’ YOU CAN'T BUILD A COMPANY ON HEAT WITH NO HOPE, YOU BURNED-OUT FUCKING SPACE HEATER! And don't even get me started how they fucked Lurtz's career. They fucking ruined that kid.
>So after a while I said fuck it, packed my bags, and got out before the whole damn place imploded and drove 2 hours to Wendy's. You know how it ended? Freakin’ hobbits threw the Ring into a volcano, and all of Mordor literally fell apart. That’s what you get when you treat storytelling like it’s a cage match with no psychology. It falls-a-fucking part! That’s what you get when you push orcs with no charisma, bury talent, and let a sentient cat's eye book the damn show.
>So yeah. I worked for Sauron. It was the worst six months of my life. And if anyone tells you that Mordor was ever a well-run promotion, yeahhh it was a box of fluffy puppies! I loved my time there!
>Now go ahead, ask me about Tom Bombadil and all that foolishness.
