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been thinking of getting around $300 worth of dissociatives/opiates/stimulants/benzos and a small bit of 5-Bromo-DMT as well.
if the new benzo supplier is legit I'll probably end up ordering a few hundred worth of raw powder off of them (bromazolam - my favorite benzo of all time) and then probably get addicted to that and hopefully ween myself off. It's excellent for coming off any type of drug or as a sleep aid. Also unlike most benzos it's actually sort of has a euphoric headspace and very chill body high.
but then I think of how miserable I really am most days doing this shit over and over again and how much longer I can keep it up. I railed over half a gram of FXE at once on Friday and straight up passed out for around 3 hours which I didn't think was possible on FXE unless I took like double that. Luckily it makes you pretty immobile at high doses so it would have been a massive struggle to do anything dangerous. I remember a few seconds after snorting it the fans in my room sounded like tinny roaring jet engines (usually this effect is subtle and takes a few minutes to happen), everything in my vision was doubling/tripling and I basically forget everything after that. Had headphones on when I came to but they weren't connected to any sort of device. Wonder if I thought I was listening to something.
I was talking to my friend yesterday and she said that even though things in her life have been bad lately even her worst days now were better than her junkie lifestyle before. I really have been thinking about that. Getting away from it. Maybe it's why I've been holding off on actually making this order the past couple days. I barely even want any of the shit but once it's in my hands it's fucking game on. I love it, I hate it. I don't know anymore, might wait a few more days and not order just yet. It's like I know what I should do, but I just don't care anymore and it's like part of me has some insane deathwish.
Sorry for the blog Momofrens.
