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My dearest friends, we are all gathered today to pay our respects.
Today marks the passing of Kevin R. Nash’s beloved anus, destroyed in the Summer of 1992 by a black rapist.
It was a glorious and dignified anus that served Kevin faithfully for years, from his teenage years to the age of thirty-two. It helped him fight his way to the top as a professional wrestler, and it supported him through all of his grueling battles in the ring.
It was an anus that endured numerous traumas, tirelessly doing its duty to support Kevin’s body through its toughest tests. It fought on and never quit, no matter how great the pain was. It stood strong when all else seemed to be crumbling around him.
And it was above all a loving anus, with a tender care and concern for Kevin that was just incomparable. Even in the darkest hours of the summer of 1992, when Kevin’s wrestling career seemed to be coming to a crashing end, his anus was still there for him, providing a support system that no one else could ever provide.
Though we will never forget the tragedy that stole Kevin’s beloved anus from him all those years ago, let us take this time to celebrate the life and strength of his incredible, heroic, and strong anus. It is with heavy hearts that we bid it a fond farewell and fond memories of his unshakeable loyalty.
Farewell, Kevin R. Nash's beloved anus. You will be remembered forever.
