Quoted By:
>The ramblings of a deeply unwell man caught in the vice of highly unhealthy parasocial relationships:
I am so fucking numb right now. That melty I had was (mostly) shitposting but now that it's had time to sink in I don't even know what the fuck there is to say. I've been just staring at my screen for an hour trying to process it. I simply can't formulate the words. I realize how pathetic this is going to sound, but I haven't felt this way since I picked up a phone call from my mom 16 years ago only to hear her hysterical cries trying to tell me that they unexpectedly found my brother dead. It's a mix of intense disbelief, anger, and denial. Your whole body is numb and vibrating yet you somehow feel completely disassociated from it all, like your consciousness is floating above your physical self observing your pain. It's a type of feeling that can only stem from news so shocking and out of left field and it's something that I prayed I would never feel again. For the second time, I understand how absurd those statements are, yet I can't overstate how much joy she brought into my otherwise miserable existence. To me this is akin to losing a close family member.
Right now anger seems to be the dominant emotion in the equation. It's clear this wasn't an amicable separation. If that's her fault then I'm mad at her. If it's the fault of Koda or Takagi I'm mad at them. The frustration of not knowing who I should be angry at is just adding more weight onto my already heavy heart. I know that she's not retiring, but this carries the same weight as a divorce for me. Regardless of if she signs somewhere or if she just remains a freelancer, it's never going to be the same for me. It's going to be like mom's new boyfriend or dad getting remarried. I just want my family back together.
Just completely floored by this. I don't know what else to say.
