Quoted By:
Beijing Today reports a disastrous appearance from Adam Cole in a special one off event intended to promote Professional Wrestling in the country. Apparently he performed the following counter-revolutionary acts:
1. Pissed in the mouth in front of a crowd in China, that have been conditioned to resist change.
2. Removed his headgear and encouraged the crowd to applaud, after performing the martial art of Crazy Horse, thus also instructing them to kneel and kiss the ring.
3. Made several other drunken attempts to take the crowd's collective wallet, which they graciously declined to take.
5. Performed arts of wrestling that would win absolutely no gold medals anywhere.
6. Pooped in the corner of the ring after an attempted decapitation of a sixteen year old foreigner.
7. Dropped the mic to show that he is dumb, who has failed at everything he has ever done.
8. Stepped on the head of the sixteen year old foreigner.
9. Attempted to revive his dead hand by cuddling it in his armpit and sucking on its thumb, and unzipping his fly, which resulted in an immediate fanny-pull to his groin.
10. Attempted to defecate in the ring by mounting his opponent, after which the hand with the fuck no had nothing to do with helping.
11. Forced the hand on the sixteen year old foreigner's head, who was unconscious and bleeding profusely, but kept moving so that the shit could only hit his mouth.
12. Dropped the fuck no during a Sweet Chin Music and failed to fall down or provide any form of coitus interruptus.
13. Attempted to cum on the sixteen year old foreigner's head.
14. Stripped his shirt off and went topless, with his teeth.
15. Bleated like a stray dog.
16. Tickled the sixteen year old foreigner.
17. Did something sexual to the sixteen year old foreigner's nose.
18. Was escorted from the ring.
19. Cried like a baby, because he was that drunk.
20. Attempted to take the sixteen year old foreigner's head and put it in the sweet Chin Music's pocket, and failed.
