>>103230173/8
Colby:
>"The dress is just the beginning of a day of needless loss and suffering. But yes, I had on a BEAUTIFUL new dress. Unlike Miss USA, who gets her dresses by stealing tablecloths and sofa covers from the old folks' home, I'd paid good money for a lovely dress, to see it spoiled like that. All because Miss USA is jealous because she's heard I'm winning the voting popularity contest against her in a blowout. Because she's resentful that I've shared all of my intel on her weaknesses and shortcomings with the Yellow Empress, who's going to CRUSH her when they meet. This isn't about being a great American, because a great American wouldn't need to resort to such an outlandish stunt involving her evil twin, a fighter jet, and a yellow paint bomb to disrupt a peace rally right here in Spaghetti Town. It's about ME, isn't it? I've gotten to you, haven't I? Are you, by chance..... triggered?">"Well, Miss USA, I'd just like to point out that my father served this country with his boots on the ground in a WAR ZONE in Afghanistan when I was just a little baby, while YOU, Miss USA, were such a coward that you had to use an aircraft to attack unarmed civilians from high up in the sky. I'd ALSO like to point out that your stunt won't stop me, or any of the good people who were working for peace on that day, and that I, Colby Jefferson, can do more damage with a webcam, a microphone, and my First Amendment rights than you can with all the military hardware in the world. That's why, when the last votes are in and I've won the voting contest in a landslide, and when you're lying defeated at the Yellow Empress's feet, I'm going to cast you aside and REPLACE you, Miss USA. It'll be ME representing this great country with the pride, honor, and dignity, after you're consigned to the dustbin of history where you and your violent, regressive insanity belong."Colby takes a deep breath.
