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[Amazing News] Kanako "The MILF of Tomorrow" "Assuka" Urai has been seen by Shintō priests in Kyōto, Japan, who have attempted to exorcise her of the ancient Yōkai "セクシーな角質ママ悪魔" which possessed her some weeks ago.
According to locals, the priests gave up after trying multiple different exorcism techniques, including traditional Shintō ones, such as the "百年の繁殖", as well as bringing in Christian exorcists from various denominations, with nothing apparently able to separate her thick, muscular, motherly form from the wretched spirit.
We interviewed the lead Shintō priest who oversaw these practices on beloved WWE Superstar Asuka, who had this to say:
>"Yeah, man, we basically tried everything. Someone suggested bringing in a Rabbi but last time we did that he just tortured one of our chickens for 2 hours, charged us 1 million yen and then left. Personally I think it's all bullshit and she's just really horny. The only thing that kinda worked was giving her a Switch with SF2 on it and having someone suck on her toes while she played."
We're not entirely sure what to make of this whole ordeal but we're wishing Asuka the best and hope for a wonderful career with WWE for years to cum.
